


She's a Mage

by karog



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Misunderstandings, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:20:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4690283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karog/pseuds/karog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evelyn comes back from the mission earlier than she expected but when she accidentally eavesdrops Cullen and Dorian, she wished she had stayed in the Hinterlands a bit longer anyway...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Her heart fluttered when she walked towards the Commander's office. The party come back from the Hinterlands two days earlier and Evelyn decided to surprise him.

She had noticed his attempts to flirt and felt like dancing with joy whenever her mind wandered off to those rare moments they manged to steal for each other. There were no declarations yet, but Evelyn could feel the Commander was going to make the next move soon. She suspected he had already tried to talk to her about what was happening between the two of them but each time there was something standing in their way. 

_Not this time, though._ Evelyn thought with satisfaction and picked up her pace, wanting to see Cullen's face as quickly as possible. 

At the beginning, she wasn't entirely sure whether it could be true. Cullen was a handsome, strong man – the type of a man who would never look at her, who would never pay attention to what she was saying. But somehow he wanted to speak with her, wanted to spend time with her, made her laugh and offered his comfort when she needed it. Somehow, she managed to notice how soft and gentle his eyes were whenever they turned to her, noticed how he always tried to pay her a compliment, how his forehead wrinkled with worry whenever she had to leave Skyhold for yet another mission. 

She glanced at the mirror as she was passing by, almost running to Cullen's office, feeling her whole body tremble with excitement. 

After she finally accepted the subtle signs she saw from Cullen's part, there was another doubt born in her mind. She was a mage. How could he ever fall for a mage if he was an ex-Templar? 

But at the same time, he never seemed to be scared of her, never gave her any sign of hostility... perhaps he really did abandon the Order and his old prejudice? Perhaps it was possible for Cullen Rutherford to love Evelyn Trevelyan, a mage. 

She stood in front of the door to his office with a wide grin on her face. She was sure today was going to be _the day. _Today, they would finally talk about this whole situation and maybe, just maybe, he would finally kiss her, just like he seemed to want so many times before.__

__Evelyn raised her hand to knock on the door but then, she heard familiar voices coming from the other side and she froze._ _

__„This is ridiculous,” Dorian said with irritation. „You don't have to hide it from me, I'm an expert in such matters. One can smell a serious infatuation from the two of you from a mile away!”_ _

__„This isn't your...” Cullen started but Dorian didn't let him finish._ _

__„Oh please, Commander, drop your official tone,” he said._ _

__Evelyn shamelessly leaned against the wall, trying to hear as much as possible. She hoped no one would notice her presence even though her heart beat so loudly she was sure the Maker himself could hear it._ _

__„I don't know what you want from me and honestly...” Cullen spoke again._ _

__„She's not going to wait forever!” Dorian exclaimed, irritation nearly tangible in his voice. Evelyn wondered how long they had been talking before she arrived._ _

__„There's nothing...” Cullen tried again, his voice firm and loud._ _

__Nothing? Evelyn thought with surprise, as she knew exactly what they were talking about._ _

__„Stop lying to yourself, Commander,” once again Dorian didn't allow Cullen to finish his sentence. „We can all see what's going on. Why don't you just go and tell our dear Inquisitor...”_ _

__„Because she's a MAGE!” he yelled._ _

__Evelyn froze. For a moment, which seemed like a painful eternity, she couldn't move. All of her previous joy was crushed by Cullen's words, all of her excitement evaporated. She turned around, feeling hot tears falling down her cheeks, and ran away, not knowing where she wanted to go._ _

__She couldn't believe how foolish and gullible she had been. A mage and a Templar? It could never happen._ _

__She only wished she realized it before she fell in love with him._ _

__\---_ _

__„Honestly, I thought you were better than this,” Dorian finally spoke when he snapped out of his initial shock. „Turns out old habits die hard. She's just a normal girl who happens to have magic flowing in her veins and that's why you...”_ _

__„Maker's breath, that's...” Cullen interrupted, his hand automatically going to the back of his neck. „You don't understand. It's not about me, it's about _her._ How could she ever feel something more for me? An ex-Templar?” _ _

__Dorian sighed with relief. „You should speak to her,” was all he said._ _


	2. Chapter 2

“That is all,” she concluded their meeting with a brief comment. „You are free to go.” 

It was hard to be around Cullen ever since she heard his words. It was hard to pretend, to keep up the mask of indifference. They stopped spending so much time together but Evelyn didn't question the situation. In fact, she was the one who ceased to seek his presence, making sure both of them were too busy to do anything else than work. The only time when it was necessary for both of them to be in the same room was during the war council, but even then they had the company of Leliana and Josephine. 

Evelyn tried not to look at Cullen during the meetings. The sight of him hurt her heart more than she was willing to admit. The girl who used to smile a lot, making everybody instantly better disappeared as she was becoming more bitter with every day. 

_She's a mage._ His words echoed in her mind whenever she saw his golden curls moving around the Skyhold. She was a mage, it was true. But she couldn't understand how this had to be a problem. She never asked for her magic. It wasn't a gift but a curse, which ruined her life before and kept messing with it now. 

Leliana and Josephine left the War Room first as Cullen held the door for them, but instead of following their steps, he closed the door and stayed with Evelyn. 

Her heart shuddered and she turned around, pretending to be busy with planning their trip to the Adamant Fortress. 

“I thought I made myself clear,” she stated. “The meeting's over and-” 

“May I have a word with you, Inquisitor?” Cullen interrupted. 

She gathered all her strength and looked at him, her arms crossed. If she could freeze someone with her eyes, Cullen would have been a statue of ice in no time. 

“I'm listening,” she said. 

“Inquisitor... Evelyn, please,” he approached her slowly and with hesitation put a hand on her shoulder. “What happened? Why are you avoiding me?” 

She turned her eyes away and clenched her fists. His touch burned, making her almost unable to move. 

“I don't know what you're talking about,” she stated. 

“Evelyn, please. If there's anything I could-” 

“There is nothing,” she interrupted and pushed his hand away. “I expect our troops to be ready to march on the Adamant Fortress just like we discussed, Commander. That would be all.” 

She turned around again and started looking through various pieces of paper on the table, pretending she was too busy to be concerned with Cullen's presence. At the same time, her heart bled with the unspoken desire, with the inevitable sorrow. 

“Of course, Inquisitor.” Cullen responded silently. 

When he closed the door with a loud bang, Evelyn finally allowed herself to take a deep breath. She put a hand to her mouth, trying to supress the sobbing. 

It was all wrong. It wasn't supposed to look like that. If only she didn't have her magic, if only she was just a normal girl, Cullen wouldn't be repulsed by her, wouldn't have to pretend he was there for her. 

Evelyn quickly wiped out the tears that ran down her face. She knew she had to be strong. One of the most difficult battles was about to take place and she couldn't allow herself to be distracted. She would do what she was supposed to do and then, she was going to disappear from Cullen's life. 

He didn't need a mage around him. 

\--- 

“Don't worry, Curly, she's just stressed,” Varric said, patting Cullen on the shoulder. The tavern was unusually silent as all of the soldiers were getting ready to march on Adamant the next day. Nobody was in a mood for fun that night, especially Cullen but still, he decided to visit the place, hoping it would take his mind away from the memory of her cold eyes. 

“No, it's not just that...” he took a sip of ale, knowing it was going to be another sleepless night. 

“You're exaggerating, I'm sure,” the dwarf continued. “It's gonna be fine, just wait after the battle. I'm sure it's just stress.” 

\--- 

Evelyn was terrified. Her whole body trembled with fear. 

“We're with you,” Dorian whispered to her ear and she gave him a weak smile. 

“I know,” she responded. “Thank you.” 

The soldiers screamed to keep morale high, to plant a seed of doubt in their enemies' hearts but it only made her feel worse. The world was in a chaos and Evelyn was the only who could bring the order back. 

She watched as the men who pledged their service to the Inquisition broke through the gates and she faltered when she saw them dying, crushed under the heavy stones thrown from the walls. She promised herself she would honor their deaths after the battle, each and every boy and girl, she would miss no one. 

Evelyn walked into the fortress with her heart beating loudly in her chest, gripping her staff tightly and casting spells, one after another. She would avenge her soldiers. She wouldn't let them die in vain and thus she had to win. There was no other option. 

“All right, Inquisitor. You have your way in. Best make use of it.” Cullen approached her, his tone official, his eyes emotionless. “We'll keep the main host of demons occupied for as long as we can.” 

“I'll be fine,” she responded, turning her eyes away from him. “Just keep the men safe.” 

\---   
He knew he should have said something, anything when she went into the fortress. Instead, he just ran away like a coward, too afraid of what she might think of him if he confessed his worries. He never wanted her to take part in the battle, being too afraid of losing her. And now she was gone. 

His fists clenched at the memory of the green light beaming from the place where she fell. Cullen felt guilt shattering his heart. 

_I never told her how much I love her._

He swung his sword with a sheer power, killing the demon with a single move. The Inquisitor may have fallen but he would be damned if he wasn't going to avenge her death. He would fight till his last dying breath to kill every creature in the Fortress, to make Corypheus and his damned dragon pay for killing the woman he loved.


	3. Chapter 3

It seemed impossible. He saw her falling into the rift, disappearing in the acid green light, he already began to mourn her as he had swung his sword with fury during the battle. And yet there she was, standing on the battlements, living, breathing, moving. She came back. 

But she came back changed. The only thing Cullen knew was that Hawke didn't return with them. He didn't dare to ask what had happened in the Fade, why Marian Hawke, the woman he always considered indestructible didn't manage to save herself this time. 

As Cullen watched Evelyn from afar, he noticed her shoulders were shaking. Was she cold? Or was she crying? He couldn't tell but he didn't intend to leave her alone. Ever since the events at Adamant, she barely spoke to anyone, the only person being able to approach her without any sign of hesitation was Dorian. Cullen suspected she had been going through something rough and it was unacceptable that she should be left alone. Not while he was there. 

He approached her quickly, feeling his hands shake, his nervousness easily visible. He still remembered the last time he had tried to speak with her less formally and how it hurt after but if she needed help, Cullen was ready to face any kind of humiliation to see her smile again. 

“Inquisitor?” he spoke up and Evelyn nearly jumped with surprise. 

“C-commander...” she muttered, her voice indicating she had been crying for some time. “What is it?” 

“I was wondering if...” he hesitated, afraid of crossing the boundary again, just like he did last time. 

“Something with our army?” she asked, still not facing him, “Do our soldiers need anything? If so, I agree to everything you decide.” 

“No,” he said firmly, gathering all his courage. “It's not that. I come here not as your Commander but as your friend, Cullen. We-we used to talk, Evelyn, now you're avoiding me. I can see that something happened back in the Adamant. Something horrible. Evelyn, please... you can't deal with it alone, you've got friends...” 

At his words, she turned around and looked straight into his eyes, making Cullen's heart flutter as he noticed hope and despair mixing on her face. Her eyes were red and swollen as if she had been crying for a few hours. She parted her lips as if she wanted to say something and all that Cullen could think about was how those lips would taste if they joined with his. 

“C-Cullen, I...” she started but then she suddenly lowered her head and clenched her teeth. He put a hand on her shoulder, trying to give her courage, trying to reassure her she could trust him, he would never betray her, he would stand by her side till the end and help her get through it. 

But she pushed his hand away. “I'm fine,” she said, her voice still shaking. “If you'll excuse me, I have to go now.” 

As she was passing him in a hurry, he grabbed her arm and tried to stop her. He wasn't thinking straight, all he wished to do was to make her wait for a minute. 

“Let me go,” she ground out. 

“Evelyn, please, talk to me,” he said as his heart raced in his chest. 

“We have nothing to talk about,” Evelyn spoke, looking straight into his eyes, her words full of venom. “You're a Templar. I'm a mage. Templars and mages don't become friends.” 

Evelyn left, the sound of her heels echoing in Cullen's ears as he stood in the same place for several minutes. After the last conversation they had, he was sure nothing could hurt more. Now he knew how wrong he had been. 

\--- 

He was sitting in his office, staring at the reports with a blank expression. The headache was unbearable but they were getting closer to the final confrontation with Corypheus and Cullen couldn't take a break at that moment. Everything needed to be prepared in one hundred per cent. He needed to be sure he would have done everything in his power to keep Evelyn safe. 

Although her words hurt, he couldn't stop loving her. Even if he was never meant to touch her, even if all he could do was to admire her from distance, even if she would never feel the same way... he couldn't stop loving her. 

The door opened suddenly and Cullen wasn't surprised when he saw Dorian breezily walking into his office. 

“Good evening, my dear Commander,” the mage spoke. “I was wondering if you talked with Evelyn about-” 

“Yes,” Cullen interrupted harshly. “And it no longer matters. If there isn't anything else, I would like to ask you to-” 

“What do you mean it doesn't matter? She needs you, you can't pretend to be blind to what she had been through. Honestly, I thought you were a more intelligent man.” 

Cullen's blood boiled at Dorian's accusation and he glared at his friend. 

“I was right,” he said. “She doesn't want to see me because I'm a Templar.” 

“Ex-Templar,” Dorian chimed in. 

“It doesn't matter now. I talked with her. She doesn't want to see me, that's all. Now, if you could please leave, I've a lot of work to do before our final battle in the Arbor Wilds.” 

\---

Dorian stared at the Commander dumbstruck and only after a couple of minutes, he decided to leave Cullen's office. He knew something had to be done with the two of them and quickly. The battle with Corypheus was getting close and no one could be certain what was going to happen after that. 

Of course, Dorian was going to do everything in his power to protect his one and only friend but there were things even he couldn't control. Like Evelyn's mark – the Anchor. 

\--- 

“On your knees again, I see...” he mumbled when he silently entered Evelyn's chamber. 

“Dorian...” she whispered, looking at him with horror. “It hurts again...” 

“I know... come on,” he responded, helping Evelyn get up from the floor, noticing her face was wet from tears. “What happened?” 

“I planned to go outside and practise,” Evelyn explained, trying to keep her voice calm and steady. “But then it stung again and I fell, just like the last time... I'm so scared...” 

Dorian did the only thing he could think of at that moment. He embraced Evelyn and stroke her hair, allowing her to cry as much as she needed to. 

For the outsiders, she needed to be the strong leader everybody expected to see. With her friends, she was allowed to show her fear and weakness. 

“It's going to be all right...” he repeated over and over again, no longer sure whether he wanted to convince her or himself more.


	4. Chapter 4

Her hand burned with ardent fire, the acid green light beaming with more power than ever. She had no idea what was happening. Groaning with pain as the Anchor kept torturing her, she went out to find Dorian. He was the only one who knew about her torment caused by the mark on her hand. She never dared to tell anyone else. 

Just as she was walking through the yard, clutching her hand to her body, feeling the first raindrops falling on her cheeks, her pain became unbearable, making her legs feel weak, making her whimper silently and lean against the stone wall. 

She was no longer sure how much time she spent in the rain, her clothes soaked wet as she tried to gather up her strength and hide in the Skyhold fortress. 

Tears mixed with rain and Evelyn sobbed loudly. She wasn't the girl everybody expected her to be. She wasn't a strong and fearless leader sent by Andraste herself. She was just another mage girl, feeble and terrified, who happened to be in the wrong place at even worse time. 

"Hello?" she heard someone calling and she cowered, hoping the person would go away instead of witnessing her moment of weakness. "Is anyone there?" 

The rain made it almost impossible for Evelyn to recognize the voice but she had a strange impression she knew the voice and so she prayed silently to make him go away. She certainly didn't want to explain the Commander why she was hiding in the shadows outside while it was raining heavily, instead of sleeping in her bed as the hour was already late. 

He didn't speak up again so she almost sighed with relief, when her hand stung again, her arm feeling as if it was flayed alive. She shrieked and quickly covered her mouth as she panted loudly. 

"Who is there?" Cullen was alarmed. "Do you need help?" 

She didn't hear his footsteps, didn't know he was slowly approaching her, trying to recognize who was hiding from him. When Evelyn saw his face, worried, frightened, she collapsed in tears. 

"Inquisitor?" he said, shocked to see her in such a sorry state. 

Evelyn could no longer control herself. She had been holding back her feelings for far too long. She flung his arms around him, grateful for his instant support and kept crying woefully.   
"What happened?" Cullen asked but she was unable to respond in any way. "Maker's breath, you're soaking..." 

He pulled her up in his arms gently and moved towards her room, knowing it was much warmer than his own place. She hid her face in his neck, slowly realizing what she had done, how bizarre and inappropriate her behavior was and how embarrassing it felt to be carried by the Commander of her forces to her own room. 

But at the same time, she breathed in his scent, which sent shivers down her spine. She marveled at his strength, as he carried her without any effort, as if she was light as a feather. His mere presence made her shake out from her initial panic and shock. Evelyn knew she desired the man with every inch of her soul. 

When they reached her chamber, the Anchor stopped crackling and Evelyn sighed with relief when it no longer hurt. However, she was shuddering and her teeth chattered. 

"You need to warm yourself, Inquisitor," Cullen spoke up when he put her down, allowing her to stand on her own. "I can't let you-" he blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. " _we_ can't have you sick." 

"C-commander, I d-don't..." she started but she was trembling violently from the cold and it prevented her from finishing her sentence. Ever since the attack on Haven, she promised she would never allow herself to be so cold again. It made all the memories come back, hitting her hard and making her feel nervous again. 

But then, she also remembered his face. The first thing she saw when she woke up in the camp. His blonde curls, golden eyes, furry cloak... and a relieved smile. 

"Maker," he mumbled. "How long have you been standing in the rain? You shouldn't stay in these wet clothes, you should-" he stopped short when he realized what he had said and what he intended to do. 

He didn't mean to do anything bad, all he was thinking about was Evelyn's well-being and thus, his hands found their way to her shirt's buttons. Then, the unfortunate words escaped his mouth and nothing could be done to reverse the damage. 

"I'm sorry, I..." he muttered but then he looked into her eyes. 

And they were both captured. Two people longing for each other every night, unable to fulfill their desires because of their social background, of the misunderstandings and faulty premonitions, both suffering in silence every time they were forced to be in the same room, unable to hold each other and feel their warmth. 

Now, they were both desperate. 

Evelyn was enchanted. His eyes felt as if they put a spell on her body, making her unable to move, unable to back away and mutter another excuse. She _wanted_ him. 

"I should..." Cullen whispered as he put a hand on her cheek. "I have to..." 

She felt his hot breath on her cold, wet skin and it was the end of her self-control. She was lost to him. All the boundaries, all the rules she had ever created were gone, crushed under his touch. 

His lips joined with hers delicately and she savored his taste, indulging in this intimate moment, barely believing it wasn't all just a beautiful dream from which she was going to wake up soon. She flung her hands around his waist and he intertwined his fingers with her hair, making her moan silently. 

"Cullen..." she said his name as he kissed her neck and their composure was lost. 

He grabbed her shirt and tore it, the buttons hitting the floor, and she unclasped the parts of his armor. She gratefully accepted his help with taking off the rest of his heavy armor and as she touched his naked torso, her heart beat louder. 

Cullen pulled her up in his arms again, never breaking the kiss and he laid her down on the large bed. After only a couple of seconds, their clothes were gone and as they both took a moment to admire each other's bodies, the only sound filling the room was the sound of the raindrops hitting the windows. 

He slowly leaned over her and she parted her legs for him. They didn't need words, no reassurance. Their dreams finally came true. 

Evelyn trembled with excitement, the magic in her veins almost impossible to keep in check, as her hand found the way to his hard length and she guided him to her wet core, locking her eyes on him, every part of her screaming from desire. He entered her slowly, relishing in her wetness, in her yearning, in her readiness to accept him, to take him. Only when he entered her fully, she allowed herself to breathe again, panting loudly, the sensation of joining with the man she loved almost making her go crazy. 

"I love you," she whispered and tilted his head. 

She was never going to forget his expression when he first heard the words coming out of her mouth. She would remind him about how much she loved him each and every day later on, but only the first time seemed to have such an effect on both of them. 

"I love you, too," he said, hope and joy, amazement and lust mixing in his voice. 

Evelyn tried to memorize the moment as it fled away quickly when Cullen thrust in her again, this time faster and harder. Their sweat blended and their moaning mixed, making them sound as one. And they _were_ one. A unity they had never experienced before, completeness that they could never reach, fulfillment, which they both believed was forbidden and unreachable. 

Evelyn was the first one to feel the waves of orgasm ravish her body, her back arching and her mouth shouting Cullen's name with reverence. She clung to him, feeling his sweat, feeling his heart racing in his chest and shivering. Her reaction was enough for him to come shortly after her, to fill her with his seed and moan as he grabbed the sheets and clenched his fists. 

"I love you," he whispered to her ear as she hid in his strong embrace, feeling as if she was safe at last. As if she could face anything as long as Cullen held her close.


	5. Chapter 5

Evelyn opened her eyes, feeling warm sun rays on her face and she took a deep breath. Her life was nothing but a constant fight these days and she tended to start every day by bracing herself for what was going to come. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, trying to get rid of the sleepiness from her mind and that’s when she realized she wasn’t alone in her bed. 

Cullen’s golden curls made her heart race like mad and she stared at his naked chest, raising and falling steadily. She thought it was a dream. Last night, everything that happened... it seemed so surreal she was sure she had been dreaming. And yet he was there... 

She jumped out of the bed and frantically gathered her clothes, trying to be as silent as possible. 

“Evelyn?” she heard his surprised voice and whimpered with shock. Fortunately, she was almost fully dressed, the only thing missing was her shirt. “What are you doing?” 

“C-cullen, hey, you’re up,” she mumbled, trying to think of the way to busy her hands as they were shaking incontrollably. “I was just- I tried to-“ cursing herself silently, she tried to calm down and form a coherent and understandable sentence. “I thought it would be better if I left. You know... I mean... no one has to know, I get it.” 

“Why?” he sat up and fixed his gaze on her. “I thought you-“ 

“You don’t have to pretend to be a gentleman with me, Cullen,” she smiled, bitterness pouring out of her mouth. “I understand it. One night of fun, nothing bad happened, I’m not going to hold a grudge against you, it’s only natural. I was just going to sneak out and-“ 

“Evelyn,” Cullen interrupted. “Just stop for a moment. Sit here.” He motioned her to sit next to him and when she hesitated, he added, “Please.” 

Uncertain, surprised and feeling insecure, she sat by his side, her whole body tense. She wasn’t able to look at him, her cheeks were burning with shame and embarrassement. 

“First of all,” he started. “It’s your room so it would look silly if you were sneaking out of it, wouldn’t it?” There was a warm smile on his face but Evelyn didn’t feel any better. “But more importantly... is this what you think it was? Fun for one night and nothing more? Is this what you want?” 

She couldn’t sit still anymore and she stood up again, moving towards the window, her arms crossed and her head lowered, she tried to come up with right words. 

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” she choked out silently. “You said it yourself, Cullen. I’m a mage. We can’t be together.” 

For a moment, there was a complete silence in the room. Evelyn was sure her heartbeat was heard probably in the yard. Tears were already welling up in her eyes and she wished for him to just go, leave her alone, miserable and lonely. 

When she felt his strong arms embracing her from behind, she could no longer hold back. Her face was immediately wet and there was a silent sob escaping her mouth. 

“Talk to me,” he whispered. “Explain for I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“I heard you talking to Dorian!” she exclaimed and broke away from his hug. “You said you could never be with me because I’m a mage.” 

At first, he looked as if he didn’t understand her words but then, a sudden realization appeared on his face and his eyes opened wide. 

“Maker’s breath, Evelyn...” he whispered. “Why didn’t you talk to me about it?” 

“Why would I?” she answered bitterly. “You were pretty straightforward.” 

“Why?” he gently caressed her cheek. “Because then you would know why I said it. I thought you wouldn’t care for me because you’re a mage and I’m... a former Templar.” 

She froze, feeling a glimmer of hope being born in her mind. 

“I thought you wouldn’t want to... Evelyn, I- I meant what I said last night. I love you.” 

She burst into tears and hid in his embrace again when he reached out his hands towards her. They stood like that for a while. He stroke her hair and kissed her forehead, caressed her cheeks and let her cry for as long as she needed. 

“I’m sorry,” she finally mumbled in a hoarse voice. “I’m sorry, I’m such a fool... I meant it, too... I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, I know, and it should have been put in the previous chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

“The battle was our victory. The Inquisition won and the losses we suffered weren't significant,” Cullen said, looking at Evelyn from the other side of the room. 

All of her advisors were standing behind the War Table, reporting about the situation after the battle they had in the Arbor Wilds. Success. Yes, Evelyn was supposed to be celebrating. The Inquisition won. They stopped Corypheus from getting to the Well of Sorrows. She stood in his way again and once again she was victorious. 

But there wasn't a hint of a smile on her face. 

The Anchor burned. Evelyn tried to put on a brave face and she didn't cancel the meeting even though all she wanted to do at that moment was scream and cry. Did it help that she got herself busy? Maybe. She was no longer sure and she forgot how it felt when her hand didn't hurt. 

“We should focus on Corypheus's next move,” Leliana said. “We are at an advantage and we should act wisely.” 

“Yes, I agree,” Josephine added. “We must prepare and-” 

A sudden wave of pain flushed through her arm, making her falter. She reached out her hand and put it on the wall, seeking support, hoping they wouldn't notice her moment of weakness. 

“Inquisitor?” Cullen spoke up with worry and took a step towards her. “Is everything all right?” 

Evelyn raised her hand and forced a smile. “Yes. I'm fine. Please, continue.” 

“You must be tired after the battle,” Josephine said. “You barely had time to rest and we still need to come up with a plan to strike Corypheus down. You should-” 

Her hand started crackling with an acid green light, the world became blurry. The scream that escaped her mouth terrified everyone. Evelyn fell down on her knees, holding her hand as if she was trying to stop the pain from spreading. 

Cullen was immediately by her side and he held her back, supported her, terrified with what was happening. 

“Evelyn?” he said worryingly. “What's going on?” 

“It's the mark,” she whispered. 

“How long?” Leliana asked but Evelyn didn't respond. 

Too long. For too long she had been ignoring the stinging in her hand, hiding the attacks from the others. For too long she tried to be brave and deceived herself she was fine. 

She wasn't fine. The Anchor was killing her slowly. 

“I think you should look out through the window. Now.” Josephine muttered with fear. 

Evelyn leaned against Cullen. He didn't need words to know what she wanted. He helped her stand up and held her strongly, protectively. He wouldn't let anyone hurt her. But how could he defend her from her own hand? 

“Maker...” Evelyn whispered as she gazed through the window, fear in her voice made Cullen's heart skip a beat. 

The sky was torn again. 

“It seems that Corypheus doesn't like to wait...” Leliana said. 

Evelyn knew what had to be done from the moment she saw the hole in the sky. Even if she was terrified, there was no escaping. _This_ was her fate, her destiny, her role in the Maker's plan. Only she was able to stop Corypheus's madness. 

“I have to go.” 

“That is out of the question,” Cullen protested at once, just as she expected. “Our soldiers are still on their way from the Arbor Wilds, you can't go without an army. We have to wait for-” 

“No,” she interrupted and turned her gaze away from the window and towards Cullen's terrified face. “We can't wait that long. Corypheus is here and I have to defeat him while I still can.” 

“It's madness!” Cullen exclaimed and Evelyn felt him tremble. “You can't go alone, you'll get yourself killed!” 

“There's no other way...” Evelyn tried to explain. 

“I believe I might be of help here,” they all turned around to see Morrigan entering the room, her face serious and her voice confident. 

\--- 

The plan was mad. It could never work. Cullen had to do something to make Evelyn reconsider. There had to be a different way, a more secure one. All these months of forming an army, of training new recruits, he did it all to keep Evelyn safe. Now, she was going to throw herself straight into Corypheus's arms without hesitation. 

“Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker's Light. And nothing-” his voice cracked and the words got stuck in his throat as the tears welled up in his eyes. 

“And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost,” he heard Evelyn's voice and he quickly turned around. “I'm sorry...” she muttered. “I didn't meant to-” 

“Don't do it,” he said, taking her hands and squeezing them tightly. “Please. Let's make up another plan, something less dangerous.” 

“Cullen,” she smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. “I'll come back. I promise.” 

She didn't believe it herself so when Cullen embraced her, she wasn't surprised to realize he didn't believe the words as well. It was a lie. The chances of her survival were too low to keep hoping. 

“I won't let you go alone,” he whispered. 

“Cullen...” she tired to protest. 

“No,” he said. “I'm going with you.” 

They stood in the middle of the chapel, embracing each other, hiding the fear which nestled in their hearts. Evelyn was trembling and she couldn't stop it. 

“I'm scared, Cullen.” she finally choked out as tears spilled out from her eyes. 

“I know,” he cupped her cheeks and kissed her forehead. “I am, too.” 

Her face twisted as the Anchor stung again. 

“It's your hand, isn't it?” Cullen asked, noticing her pain. He would give everything to take it away from her, to make her free and happy. 

“It hurts from the very beginning,” she said. “But now it's getting worse with every day. Cullen... I'm going to die. The Anchor is going to kill me.” 

“No,” he held her again, hid his face in her neck and fought his own tears. He had to be strong for her. She might have lost the hope but he wasn't going to do so. He had to believe for them both. “It's not. You're going to live, Evelyn. The thought of losing you... I can't.” 

“I love you,” she said. “I wish we had spent more time together.” 

Many emotions ravished his heart and mind. Regret, fear, grief... but there was still hope to which he clung. 

For if she was going to die, he would perish with her as well.


	7. Chapter 7

Cullen made sure his sword was sharp enough and with a gentle skim, he checked his shield. The weapons were shining, impatient for the battle which was to come soon. He knew it. He had checked it several times before. The ritual usually made him calmer, more focused, a deadly warrior, striking his opponent without hesitation. 

This time was different. This time, he didn’t feel soothed by the sounds of his weapon being unsheathed, the smell of the oils used to polish the edges, the touch of the cold metal in his hands. This time, he was preparing for the battle which could appear to be the last battle in his entire life. 

He knelt and closed his eyes. 

“Maker, my enemies are abundant.” He started whispering, his voice quivering. “Many are those who rise up against me. But my faith sustains me; I shall not fear the legion, should they set themselves against me.” 

As much as he wished to believe there were many years ahead of him, many joyous days filled with Evelyn’s cheerful laughter, as much as he tried to convince himself they were able to survive it, he couldn’t. His mind occupied dark thoughts about Evelyn being consumed by the mark on her hand, about Evelyn being murdered by Corypheus while he would stand afar, unable to save her. 

Was it possible he would be unable to protect her? He had promised not only to her but to himself he would never let her get hurt. They had wasted so much time living in a false conviction, living in a crippling conviction they didn’t belong to each other. Cullen and Evelyn tried to make up for the lost time, tried to spend as much time as they could together, craving each other’s presence, desiring each other’s touch and smell. 

But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. 

He wanted to have a future with her. He wanted to wake up every morning and see her golden locks covering her calm face, to lay down in bed every evening to embrace her strongly and hear her steady heartbeat. It was his most hidden desire but he wanted to see her carry their child, to see her become a wonderful, caring mother. He wanted to grow old with her and hold her hand as they covered with wrinkles. 

His heart bled as he could no longer believe it was all possible. 

“Commander, I’m sorry to bother you, sir,” there was a soldier at the door, looking at him expectantly and Cullen knew the time had come. “The Inquisitor says she’s ready.” 

They were going to set off for their final battle and Cullen was going to do everything in his power to keep Evelyn safe. 

“Let the blade pass through the flesh,” he whispered again, ignoring the soldier’s words. “Let my blood touch the ground, let my cries touch their hearts.” His hands were trembling and he opened his eyes. “Let mine be the last sacrifice.” 

He stood up and straightened his furry mantle. 

He was ready. If they wanted to get to Evelyn, they would have to kill him first. 

He walked down to the yard where Evelyn and the rest of the party were waiting for him. His heart fluttered at the sight of her. Her robe was made especially for her, using the finest, most durable materials, she had chosen the colors herself even though she believed it wasn’t necessary but Dorian insisted. Cullen was sure he had never seen more beautiful and intimidating woman in his entire life. 

And she was _his_. 

The only thing which betrayed her confident posture was her clenched fists, the trembling of her arm as she tried to supress the waves of pain coming from the Anchor. He approached her quickly and put a hand on her shoulder, smiling with reassurance. 

“I’m here for you,” he whispered so that only she could hear him. “Whatever happens.” 

He saw how she tried to smile back and how she struggled to keep her lips from quivering, he felt how she trembled under his touch and held her breath. He embraced her, hiding her in his arms, hoping it would be enough to give her strength. 

“Oh, get a room you two!” Sera exclaimed and Evelyn chuckled, her throat tight. 

“Let’s go,” she said silently. “Let’s not make Corypheus wait for too long.” 

\--- 

He panted loudly, sweat and blood mixing as it fell down his cheeks. He didn’t know if the blood was his or his enemies but it didn’t matter. He couldn’t feel pain, exhaustion or weariness. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, giving him strength to move forward, to fight and protect the ones he cared for, protect Evelyn. 

The dragon was a formidable opponent. It was fighting fiercely and their attacks seemed to inflict no damage at all, making the beast hit his tail even harder, enraged with the fight. Cullen was sure that for the dragon, they were nothing more than irritating ants it needed to crush. 

Evelyn and Dorian were standing at the far sides of the battlefield, casting their spells, helping Cullen and Bull as much as they could. From time to time, he could feel a strange yet pleasant tingling around him but there was no time to check if the magical barrier was created by Evelyn or by Dorian. He made sure Evelyn was always within his eyesight, always far enough from the dragon, always safe. 

Cullen knew she was exhausted as well. The Anchor was going mad and it seemed to hurt more when she used it. She cast her spells with a lot of effort as she downed another bottle of lyrium. There was a short moment during which Cullen realized he didn’t mind the liquid in her hands. His mind didn’t yearn the taste of the blue potion but the safety of the woman he loved. The desire to keep her safe was greater than anything. 

It was exactly the reason why he panicked when the dragon noticed Evelyn in the corner and started slowly moving into her direction. 

“Boss!” Iron Bull shouted. “Get out of there!” 

Cullen saw terror on her face as she made a run, using all her remaining strength to avoid the dragon’s attacks. He acted instinctively, rushing towards her without hesitation, hoping she would follow him, moving as far away from the beast as they could. 

“Hey, big guy!” Bull yelled, trying to catch the creature’s attention without success. 

Time slowed down when Cullen saw Evelyn’s desperate eyes, begging him for help without a word. He picked up his pace, jumping over a pile of rocks, hearing his own heart pounding loudly and clenching his teeth with determination. 

_Maker, I’m begging you. Don’t take her away._

They crashed into each other’s arms just as the dragon decided to let out a fiery breath in their direction. It all happened in a matter of seconds but for Cullen, it seemed like an eternity. He embraced her, covered her with his own body, held up his shield preparing for pain which was bound to hit them. 

But there was nothing. 

He opened his eyes and felt familiar magic enveloping both of them, protecting them from damage, saving their lives. 

“Evelyn?” he asked and he knew it was her spell. She glanced at him with fear, her hand left hand raised, magic pouring through her fingers, her right hand pressed against her belly, the green light shining brightly. 

“I’m fine,” she panted, still keeping up the barrier around them. “I’m all right.” 

The barrier protected them from the dragon’s fire but it couldn’t save them from its strong tail as it swiped forcefully, sending them into air, making them fly across the field. Cullen never let Evelyn go. He dropped his sword and reach out his hand to hold her, press her against his body, trying to direct her into the safety of his arms. He hoped his armor was enough to keep him alive while Evelyn’s robe was useless. 

They hit a stone wall and dropped to the ground. He was surprised the fall didn’t hurt him. Once again, there was no pain in his bones even though he expected broken ribs, no blood dripping down his neck where there should be a wound. It took him less than a second to realize what Evelyn had done. 

His heart leaped when Evelyn didn’t move, her head resting in his breast plate limp, her hands thrown loosely to the sides. 

“No...” he whispered. “No, no, no... what have you done?” he repeated as he sat up. 

To his unspeakable relief, she coughed and moved restlessly. _She’s alive._ His mind screamed. 

“I’ve got you,” he quickly said, glancing at the beast which was now focusing on Iron Bull and Dorian. They needed his help but he couldn’t leave Evelyn. 

“I’m all right,” she mumbled as she squeezed his hand and sat up. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“ 

“You put up a barrier around me,” he interrupted, checking for injuries on her body. “Only around me. Why would you-“ 

“Mana...” she muttered, rubbing her head and closing her eyes. 

“Are you sure you’re not hurt?” Cullen enquired again. “Don’t _ever_ do that again.” 

Evelyn turned her eyes to him and there was a weak smile forming on her face. “You know I will,” she said. “Help Dorian and Bull. I’ll join you in a minute.” 

He was reluctant to leave her side but he had no choice. His friends were fighting alone, he couldn’t allow it. 

“Stay here,” he ordered, knowing she wouldn’t listen to him anyway. 

He was halfway through, he could see Bull swinging his giant weapon with more and more effort, he could see Dorian downing another bottle of lyrium and he knew they had no chance to win this fight. The dragon was far too powerful for the three of them, even if Evelyn joined them soon, they still were unable to defeat the monster. Still, he grabbed his sword and ran towards the beast, determined to fight till his last dying breath. 

A loud roar of another enormous dragon tore through the sky and Cullen stopped short looking for the source of the deafening shriek. When he saw another beast crushing into their opponent, swiping it off the ground, forcing it to move up and fly away, he was sure nothing was ever going to surprise him again. 

He quickly changed his mind when he heard Evelyn’s bloodcurdling scream which made his heart stop for a moment and he turned around only to see the ground beneath her feet raising up to the sky. 

“NO!” he screamed, his voice hoarse, and he raced towards her, even though he knew it was too late. “EVELYN!” 

She was gone. He didn’t understand why or how but she was gone and he could no longer protect her.


End file.
